Advice to those at the MLA, (or, how not to be a dickface)

1. Don't come to panels an hour late. Even if you are a 60 year old woman, you deserve a slapping.
2. Don't talk during panels, especially if you're old enough to know better.
3. If the chair of your panel stands at the podium to introduce you, you do need to stand when reading your paper. You seem able, I just saw you run into the room almost late for your own panel.
4. If you are a man, don't wear barrettes in your hair; they don't go very well with your suit.
5. Don't come to a panel late, stand right by my head, and repeatedly rifle through a huge stack of bookmarks you happen to be carrying for some reason.
6. If you are a professional, you should be able to read a paragraph clearly, and those in the audience should be able to tell when your sentences begin and end. It's called "pausing" and it's something you can do with your voice.